Advice from PFLAG
Happy Holidays to all...
Members who are connected with one or more of the supportive LGBT organizations with be familiar with the "advice" particularly to our younger friends who are contemplating "coming out" while home on vacation.
In an environment where there is a reluctance to mention the words "gay," "lesbian," "bisexual," or "transgender" a person who happens to be LGBT experiences great stress contemplating the need to "come out," to be honest and open about who he or she actually is. So I share this set of advice, well known to many who have worked in one or more of our active supportive organizations such as PFLAG, knowing that others may benefit from others' experiences.
While this is addressed primarily to young people who are considering coming out to their family members it has great value for those of us who may be in ministry to people who are LGBT. The advice follows:
Before the visit. . .
- Make a decision about being "out" to each family member before you visit.
- Discuss in advance with your partner how you will talk about your relationship, or show affection with one another, if you plan to make the visit together.
- Don’t wait until late into the holiday evening to raise the issue of sleeping arrangements. If you bring your partner home, make plans in advance.
During the visit . . .
- Focus on common interests.
- Reassure family members that you are still the same person they have always known.
- Be wary of the possible desire to shock your family.
- Remember to affirm yourself.
- Realize that your don’t need your family’s approval to sustain an excellent relationship with your partner.
- Connect with someone else who is gay-by phone or in person—who understands what you are going through and will affirm you along the way.
When "coming out" is managed in a sensitive and caring manner one’s family is much better able to respond themselves with sensitivity. Ministers and friends can be a valuable source of support and strength both to the family member who is ‘coming out" as well as with the other members of the family.
